Coffee by candlelight.

"Write hard and clear about what hurts."

Mon, 20 May 2013 02:30:28 -0400

“Write hard and clear about what hurts.”

- Ernest Hemingway (via the-healing-nest)

Creating my own home is the best decision I have ever made.

Mon, 20 May 2013 00:22:35 -0400

Creating my own home is the best decision I have ever made.

You have no idea how great it feels to have this back.

Sun, 19 May 2013 21:40:57 -0400

You have no idea how great it feels to have this back.

"Live on coffee and flowers. Try not to worry what the weather will be."

Sat, 18 May 2013 02:15:46 -0400

“Live on coffee and flowers. Try not to worry what the weather will be.”

- Matt Berninger (via loveyourchaos)

allmymetaphors: “love everything you’ve always loved”

Sat, 18 May 2013 02:05:44 -0400

allmymetaphors:

“love everything you’ve always loved”

is your apartment near your school? the colors are so bright and inspiring! :)

Fri, 17 May 2013 13:10:34 -0400

Yep! I’m about fifteen minutes from work and twenty to twenty-five from work.

Thank you! I wanted colors that made the space I have look light, airy, and fun. It’s all coming together! I’m just waiting on my mattress (I have a pull-out sofa) and a table! I’ll take more pictures when I’m completely settled!

It’s all coming along.

Thu, 16 May 2013 15:09:16 -0400

It’s all coming along.

Know what is awesome?

Thu, 16 May 2013 13:10:27 -0400

Living alone. This is going to be fantastic.

I’m living in a simple small town, and I love it. It’s a new chapter in my life, and I couldn’t be happier right now.

I finally have a place to call home. It’s getting there,...

Wed, 15 May 2013 23:27:00 -0400

I finally have a place to call home. It’s getting there, at least.

This is how I paint.

Wed, 15 May 2013 20:21:00 -0400

This is how I paint.

I think the scariest thing in the world is that no matter how well you think you know a person, you...

Mon, 13 May 2013 03:43:03 -0400

I think the scariest thing in the world is that no matter how well you think you know a person, you can never truly know what is going on their mind or feel their pain completely.

It’s deadly, almost - the way a person can smile and say, “I’m fine,” when below that smile is such hurt and pain, and it’s hidden with a poker face.

My mom called me back to tell me she bought some things for my apartment. Then she said that my...

Mon, 13 May 2013 03:30:21 -0400

My mom called me back to tell me she bought some things for my apartment. Then she said that my stepdad came into the house earlier with a bloody face. Apparently, he got into a fight with some random guy walking past our house. He is… 35… 36. This is ridiculous.

Anyhow, it got physical between him and my mom; then my sisters piped in. My mom said the three of them ended up punching him in the face.

I thought about seven year old me, jumping up onto the coffee table in the living room and pouncing on his back, grabbing ahold of his neck and punching him simultaneously while he held my mom down and hit her.

It’s been going on almost my whole life - the drunken fights.

I thought about my sisters talking about this fight after everything is settled down. I can hear the way they’ll all retell it - in a proud and reminiscent way, as twisted as it sounds. I’ll imagine it all when they relay the story, my heart accelerating slightly as though I were there and in a state of anxiety.

I’m sad to have been there two dozen and one times. Adrenaline pumping through my veins and protruding through my skin, as though they may burst. Yelling, pounding on doors, crying, talking to cops, sleepless nights, long drives to the hospital. You know, crazy family things that somehow, my family had come to call normal. And this is how we bond…. she says…

My sisters, though, will never know anything else. They will never know how to love or care for someone in a way that doesn’t involve enabling or dysfunction. They won’t ever leave the house.

And I often wonder, “What the hell is so different about me that I knew I had to get away?” They’ll rot there, each and every one of them out of comfort and terror of embracing change - something that is inevitable to life anyway.

I’m very lucky to be who I am. I may not know myself one-hundred and fifty percent, but I’m on my way. I know what I want, and I find the means to get it in a way that doesn’t include cutting corners or scamming anyone for money.

I worried before that I would never change some of my ways, and I would always be like them. The fact of the matter is that I am already not like them in so many ways. I could have stayed home. I could be nineteen, jobless, and obtain nothing more than a high school diploma and the luxurious comfort of knowing that, “Hey, I may be broke, but I’ll always find money for cigarettes and alcohol - for free…. on top of my free healthcare and other government handouts.“

I can’t be like Alex. She gets what she wants based off of pity. Twenty-one years old, no real job - never even tried to get one, with an abusive boyfriend, and an extreme case of the, “He-only-treats-me-this-way-because-he-loves-me“‘s - just like my mother. I can’t take free handouts from anyone without a side of guilt to wash it down with. She gets by with it because my mom says, “It’s my fault she can’t talk to people - your dad and I’s divorce…blahblahblah.” SHE WAS FOUR YEARS OLD.

Like I said, I’m lucky to be me. I’ll find a way or I’ll make my own.

I didn’t get my mom a Mother’s Day gift. I didn’t buy her a card. Something about...

Mon, 13 May 2013 00:13:00 -0400

I didn’t get my mom a Mother’s Day gift. I didn’t buy her a card. Something about giving her something tangible that says, “Best mom ever,” is just too unfitting, and I can’t swallow enough pride to buy it.

So while I’m reading online everyone saying how great and strong their mother is, I kind of just want to roll around in my own vomit.

I texted her to say, “Happy Mother’s Day,” then I called her about an hour ago. She was arguing with my stepdad, who was drunk.

And then I thanked God that that is not my life anymore.

"I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance."

Sun, 12 May 2013 23:36:29 -0400

“I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance.”

- Jon Stewart (via omydays)

Photo

Fri, 10 May 2013 11:43:32 -0400

Yeah, buddy!

Thu, 09 May 2013 20:44:00 -0400

Yeah, buddy!

Check me out!

Thu, 09 May 2013 20:40:00 -0400

Check me out!

Artsy-fartsy.

Thu, 09 May 2013 20:14:00 -0400

Artsy-fartsy.

dailyreasontobehappy: chawsaoz: ‎”THROUGH A RAPIST’S EYES”...

Thu, 09 May 2013 19:45:45 -0400

dailyreasontobehappy:

chawsaoz:

‎”THROUGH A RAPIST’S EYES” (PLS TAKE TIME TO READ THIS. it may save a life.) Reblog this!

It seems that alot of attackers use some tactic to get away with violence. Not many people know how to take care of themselves when faced with such a
situation. Everyone should read this especially each n every girl in this world. THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD INFO TO PASS ALONG…

FYI - Through a rapist’s eyes! A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle.
They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid, or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.

5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.

6] Number three is public restrooms.

7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.

8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas,or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it.

———————————————————————————————————————————-

POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER:

1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk:
can’t believe it is so cold out here, we’re in for a bad winter. Now that you’ve seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.

2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would
not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

4] If someone grabs you, you can’t beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and
armpit or in the upper inner thigh - HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.

5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our
instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there.

6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using
much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel
little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL ….

I know you are smart enough to know these pointers but there will be some, where you will go “hmm I must remember that” After reading forward it to someone you care about, never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you…. chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or
purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS , LEAVE.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be
hiding at the passenger side , peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. ( DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB) .
b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
c. Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it’s better safe than sorry.

DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT NOT REBLOGGING THIS! IT COULD ACTUALLY SAVE A LIFE.

Reblog this. Only the picture will appear on your blog.

Good tips for anyone, really! :)

Photo

Thu, 09 May 2013 03:12:39 -0400